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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/29/2013

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YOU CAN COUNT, ALABAMA!

Dave Martin

ALABAMA'S AT 85, Y'ALL!

Alabama's officially at 85 with the departure of QB Phillip Ely, who will be headed to Toledo to find both playing time and that horcrux Nick Saban left there as a young head coach. You forgot that Nick Saban coached at Toledo? Oh, let's remind you of that, and how he used to look like every CIA ops officer ever depicted in any movie ever. (See: here.)

Bravo, Alabama. DO YOU HEAR THAT YOU BIG TEN HATERS? ALABAMA'S AT 85, A NUMBER THAT REQUIRES A LOTTA FANGERS AND TOEZ? THEY MASTERED FOOTBALL FIRST AND NOW MATH. LOOK THE HELL OUT CAUSE THE YELLOWHAMMER STATE IS GONNA LAUNCH ROCKETS FROM HUNTSVILLE GO TO MARS AND FOUND PLANET ALABAMA. RED PLANET CRIMSON TIDE AND VERMILLION MONEY STACKED TALL, Y'ALL. CLAP FOR YOUR BOYZ.

ALSO APPLAUSE FOR: Actual applause, since Bob Stoops is just out in Moore, OK with a shovel helping clean up the mess the tornado left behind, and doesn't really care if anyone notices or not.

PASSING MAKES YOU SOFT OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. We dunno, Mack, there's been some demoralizing things about facing run-first teams, but there's also really demoralizing things about facing a team you can't stop from making completions on "Stick" twenty times a game, too.

JUST SURVIVE OCTOBER. Bret Bielema's first October in the SEC could be heinous, but otherwise Bill C seems pretty happy with the hire and general trajectory of Arkansas. Hey, John L even settled his bankruptcy/fraud case! Everything's turning up hog this Wednesday.

FILE NOT FOUND. Butch Jones claims Tennessee needs to do its part to "reinvigorate" the rivalry between Tennessee and Alabama, and we were not aware such a thing existed.

ETC: Yayyyyyyyyyyyy.