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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 05/20/13

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IF YOU'D LIKE TO TRANSFER TO ARKANSAS, TURN TO PAGE EIGHTY-T(SLAP)

Brett Deering

MIKE GUNDY'S CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE. It's a terrible book series, because a third of the pages are ripped out and Coach Gundy himself slaps the book out of your hand if you make a choice he finds unsatisfactory. Turn to page 78 if you want to transfer to Washingt(SLAP). Of course, it could be worse.

IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING LET IT GO. See, this is how transfers SHOULD work. Rich Rod lets you depart for another school, even one within the same conference, and then once you're gone you realize how much you miss his gentle singing voice and transfer back. The power of Groban is not to be denied.

IT'S THE OFFSEASON SO LET'S GET MAD FOR NO REASON. Viewpoint A: Gene Smith pointed out what everyone pretty much knows - intercollegiate athletics is an arms race and you're better off not aspiring to ICBM Dreamz if you've got trebuchet cash. Viewpoint B: Gene Smith is a hater and an idiot and Iowa State is better off without him. Viewpoint C: TATTOOS PASS INTERFERENCE RIGGED RAFFLE GATOR BOWL SUCKEYE SEC.

SUN FOR THE SUN GOD. The new Sun Belt logo does not look like a robot's sphincter. The new Sun Belt logo does not look like a robot's sphincter. The new Sun Belt logo does not look like a robot's sphincter.

MICHIGAN WEEK IS OVER. We thank the Wolverines again for their largesse and remind them that we will always be haters first.

ETC. IN THE A IN THE A IN THE A IN THE A. See, MMA isn't JUST sweaty dick punching. Great, now Putin's gotta go see what the warranty policy is on gerbils. Your body is a (gross and disgusting) wonderland.