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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/2/2013

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THE AGGIES PREPARE TO KEEP THE DREAM OF COLUMBIA ALIVE

THEY'RE BUILDING A CITY TO SURVIVE THE APOCALYPSE. Eventually, the Aggies' proposed expansion of Kyle Field--a tribute in stone, glass, and metal to the "power, prominence, and endurance" of Texas A&M football--will float away, destroy the Boxer Rebellion, and secede altogether from the United States. Until then, you can view the beta for the proposal to make Kyle Field the largest stadium in the state of Texas, and ultimately the last and best hope for civilization when Borderlands ceases to be a game, and becomes more of a training manual.

WELP [CLEARS THROAT] IT'S FRIDAY LET THE OBC BUST OUT THE CHECKBOOK. We doubt there are very many coaches who would ever write the check to players themselves besides, say, Barry Switzer in his prime, Jimmy Johnson for bounties, and Steve Spurrier because he's Steve Spurrier, and sort of borderline obsessive about fairness. Now please imagine a very pissed off Steve Spurrier handing out juice boxes, animal crackers, and paychecks on Fridays, and this comic scenario is complete.

BUT SURE LET'S NOT PAY PLAYERS WHO CAN GET PAID. Patrick Hruby could have just written it all down factually, but it's way more fun to put some lemon on the paper cut while you're at it when vivisecting the notion of amateurism.

PEYTON MANNING IS A MUTANT. Just him calling the Tennessee video staff with no warning this past season and asking them to send him a specific play from the third quarter of the 1996 Ole Miss game. Peyton Manning is not of this world. (And that's good for a few reasons for him, mostly because is still winless against Florida.)

GO NOLES. Not a typo if we're talking about LeRoy Butler.

PLEASE STOP ATTEMPTING TO COMMUNICATE IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. Just have the decency to steal in silence, NCAA, like good thieves are supposed to do.

ETC: NO.