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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/16/2013

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THE CURIOUS INDEX IS STUMBLING AROUND LIKE A BABY FAWN

Kirby Lee-US PRESSWIRE

STUMBLING TO LIFE HERE. In case you didn't notice--and if you tried to access the site consistently in the last 24 hours, you did--the site spat up oil, lurched to the side of the road, and caught fire sometime around 9:00 a.m. yesterday. This is because of a hardware failure not just with EDSBS, but with the SB Nation servers, a malfunction that like every other literal mechanical malfunction caused a chain reaction down the line. Chaos ensued, and the engineers and dev team have spent the last day trying to unfuck what was randomly fucked by one server stack going bonkers. Servers: they're like nuclear power in that they're reliable until they ain't, and then you better run for the hills scrubbing yourself to get all that nasty plutonium dust off.

This should all continue to hiccup out over the next few hours or so, so thank you for your patience.

WHOO-HAAAAAHHH. No, we do not make a big enough deal out of Oklahoma once having a wide receiver named "Buster Rhymes," or respect his response to a snowball fight started by Brian Bosworth enough. His response was firing back an Uzi. Put your hands where my eyes can see, indeed, sir.

HEY BUTTHORN WHAT IS THIS OH HIGH SCHOOL YEAH RIGHT-- The idea of Lane Kiffin working with high schoolers is a delight the mind may snack on for three, perhaps four minutes of pure pleasure. "I'LL CUT YOU AND shit yeah just run that again pure eyes full farts can't lose or something mumble mumble--"

AT 22 YOU PROBABLY WERE NOT THE OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR OF YOUR OWN LIFE. The NCAA's best offense period in 2012 was run by a 22 year old who will be running an FBS team's offense in like, fifteen minutes.

BUT YEAH ABOUT TORADOL. Penn State is defending itself against SI's big piece on its medical staff, but what we'd like to point out is schools still using Toradol as a pregame painkiller without saying, hey, that's nasty-ass Toradol.

ETC: Cormac McCarthy's lookin' swole. Hot ham 'n cheese with the freshest jamz.