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WOLVERINE$. Fearless Leader will have the full details/obligatory public self-shaming plans later, but we can now confirm: Michigan is your Charity Bowl Winner for 2013. SEC fans everywhere are disappointed that you'd have to pay for a championship, Michigan, and hope you can one day achieve glory with honor.

SINCE WHEN IS HILL NAPPIN' A CRIME. There are a lot of bad choices you can make at two in the morning when you're drunk, but sleeping outside on a beautiful Oklahoma spring night is not one of them. Isn't this what we fought the British for - the right to get sloppy and just take a nap wherever? I'm pretty sure that's in Federalist 39.

AND SINCE WHEN IS SECOND DEGREE AS-OH, RIGHT. If a quarterback who's out with an ACL tear and a lineman who's transferring both get arrested on assault charges, who gets the Fulmer Cup points? The answer, of course, is Houston Nutt, who's saving them up until he's hired again. (cough) southerncal (cough)

PROFESSOR ADAM JACOBI IS LAYING DOWN SCIENCE. The difference between a good fan and a bad fan is complicated, unless you're a Miami Hurricanes fan, in which case you don't exist. GHOST FAN STARRING BILL COSBY.

WHY IS KIRK HERBSTREIT SCARED OF KANSAS. All this talk about Oklahoma State and TCU and not a thing about the mighty Jayhawks? It's like he didn't even read Charlie Weis's autobiography, "I Am First."

ETC. This is what happens when Floridians skim the Ocean's 11 Wikipedia page. This goes out to all the kids across the world that gotta wear school uniforms. Buy this plane, Alabama fans, and rename it Bear Force One.