THE CURIOUS INDEX, 04/04/2013

SO THERE'S THIS. Selena Roberts, formerly of the New York Times and current proprietor of a website that sounds like an exotic fruit you can buy for 18 dollars at Whole Foods, had a lot to share about Auburn football, Gene Chizik, and the judicial process in Alabama. It is disjointed (one wonders what possible academic fraud has to do with allegations of police misconduct) and already being disputed by some of the quoted players. It is, potentially, extremely damaging to Auburn's football program. (If you're an Auburn fan, you can start screaming CONSPIRACY now.) But it probably should have been a story about a possibly innocent kid getting stepped on by overzealous prosecutors and sloppy police officers.

BUT IT ALSO HAS LIGHTHEARTED MOMENTS. Like the time Will Muschamp supposedly pulled $400 out of a drawerand asked a player "Is this enough?" Will Muschamp: The Bank Teller Who Couldn't Count!

THE NCAA WILL GET RIGHT ON THAT, SELENA. I mean, they've got nothing else going on right n-oh, right. That whole Miami investigation the school says should be thrown out completely after two years of investigator dick tripping. Can we just end this already? Make them re-hire Larry Coker for three years and call it even.

NUMBER SEVEN ON THE FIELD, NUMBER ONE IN THE PHONE BOOK. Old Big East has rechristened itself as the American Athletic Conference, a real name some team of consultants got paid thousands of dollars to come up with and test through internet surveys. It is definitely not a shell organization funneling money to the Russian mob because it clearly says American, Mister Treasury Agent.

STOP HITTING YOURSELF. Braxton Miller keeps getting hit in practice, despite wearing a non-contact jersey. Knock if off, Buckeye defenders. He needs experience not getting touched so he can be ready for the Illinois game!

THINGS CONTINUE ON AN UNCHILL COURSE FOR USC. Trojan wideout George Farmer is out for the season after tearing his ACL and MCL, the third year in a row he'll miss significant time due to injury. Get well soon, George, because you're going to be a key part of this team under 2014 head coach Bob Davie.

ETC. Has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken? Suddenly, Ryan Lochte doesn't seem so bad. ITALIAN CELEBRATION DANCE DOT GIF.