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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 4/25/2013

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THE CURIOUS INDEX IS KEEPING THAT DAMN GAVEL

GONNA KEEP THAT THANK YOU. Only one man in the recent anecdotal history of the New York Stock Exchange has taken the gavel he rang the markets open with as a souvenir, and that man is a gigantic defensive tackle from the University of Florida. Be grateful it was Sharrif Floyd, since "Matt Elam with a hammer" is a terrifying graphic novel currently being commissioned by EDSBS publishing due to come out in early 2014.

HMMM. The College Football Playoff could have looked something like this if it was in place last year, and damn, that Alabama/Florida game would have been ugly. (Ditto for NIU/TAMU.)

NO REALLY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE SLOWEST TEMPO'D GAME EVER. Because there are numbers supporting the notion that Alabama and Florida are among the slowest teams in college football in terms of tempo. You call it blocking the left lane, and Nick Saban in his six-four calls it a slow jam you cannot resist. [hits hydraulics] [crushes Gene Chizik repeatedly]

THIS MORNING'S FRESH INSANITY.

You can question whether recruits have even heard of Pac-Man, but a.) the Far Cry 3 photoshop made for this morning was rejected for being far too graphic for family use, and b.) this is really just Joker hitting on noted Gator fan and Pac-Man enthusiast Khia. (sort of NSFW, though you're spared personal bits.)

IF MICHIGAN DID THIS: It would be spectacular.

BAN THE DRAFT. Recruiting pro-style is fine as long as the fax machine gets nowhere near this.

CAN MEATLOAF MAKE YOU SEE GOD? Well, probably if someone from Louisiana is making it, but we won't say WHICH god you'll be seeing afterwards. (Probably one with a pitchfork and a go cup in hand.)

ETC: The only Harlem Shake necessary, ever. Tommy Tomlinson on the last roll at Toomer's. WHY AREN'T YOU READING BRIAN PHILLIPS ON THE IDITAROD RIGHT NOW YOU IDIOT.