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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 4/24/2013

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BILL SNYDER WILL HAVE AN OLD FASHIONED, PLEASE

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NO, DON'T STOP, YOU'RE GETTING BETTER AT THIS WE SWEAR. The office was dark. Florida offensive coordinator Brent Pease had not slept in 28 hours. His floor was littered with cans of Red Bull. "Potter. BUT WILL THEY BUY IT?" He hit send. Like all geniuses, he was sure of his craft, and unsure anyone would be listening. Sure, they'd see the Harry Potter, and the hashtag made of clouds. But would they see his soul outlined beneath it?

TEAM VAGINA LOGO. There's no way the Golden Vagina logo can't be the next symbol of college football's impending playoff. Vote early. Vote often. Vote Golden Vagina.

TAMPA HAD AN IMPRESSIVE PACKAGE. The playoff's first finale will be played in the JerryDome, because when you think college football, you think Jerry Jones, $50 standing seats, and a building-sized Jumbotron that Jerry Jones most definitely has NOT watched The Story of O on all by himself late one Sunday night. Nope. Never, ever, ever happened.

ABOUT THAT PLAYOFF. More of a truce, per an unusually fiery AP editorial, than a steady state.

THE ACC STILL LOVES YOU, FSU. The benefits of being in the ACC aren't just the obvious ones, sir. Oh, and the ACC is settled for a while, conference realignment is done for them, at least, and Jim Delany can go call Utah State or whomever while the rest of laugh. Oh, how we'll laugh.

POUR IT UP, K-STATE. Serving Manhattans in the stands would be a bit obvious, though seriously how completely blackout drunk could a rural Kansan get on 16 ounce Manhattans wait no don't think about that because it ends in flames, tears, and probably a revenge horseback raid into Missouri.

ETC: I have a sword, and your chapstick, and your license plate. Surrender to the Samurai Bishop now. If you're not riding with CVS Bangers, you have no idea what life really is.