clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:


New, 618 comments


If you buy something from an SB Nation link, Vox Media may earn a commission. See our ethics statement.


The only thing you should remember from reading the entirety of the FBI's affidavit covering their investigation of Pilot and Flying J's corporate practices is this: if you work as an executive at Pilot, you don't even have to shower every day.

CHS-2: You guys all work out of your house, right? I mean your physical house.

CHS-2:Yeah, I'm working out of my Mom's and I was thinking about maybe going back to the house.

RALENKOTTER: Always have. Working out of the house for almost 25 years.

MOSHER: I get the best office attire known to man, a pair shorts and at-shirt

RALENKOTTER: Sometimes on Fridays it's no shower until lunch day

MOSHER: Oh yeah many days I don't shower.

GO VOLS. The entire thing is here if you don't have anything to do for the rest of the afternoon, but in short: Pilot and Flying J, run by frequent donor to the university Jimmy Haslam, are alleged to have defrauded gas station owners via shortchanged rebates. One tier of the alleged fraud targeted Hispanic gas station owners, and was referred to by Pilot employees as the "Manual" plan in part because it sounded like the name "Manuel."

The transcripts quote Pilot's director of sales for the east region, Kevin Hanscomb, as saying, "They're not stupid, there is a language barrier. So you can get away with a little bit more because they know that they are not going to understand everything that you say."

Fiesta! The relevant college football details: the Haslams are one of the largest donors to the University of Tennessee in general, and to the athletic department specifically. (The Pilot logo is right there on the Neyland Stadium video board.) It should be emphasized that Haslam, while implicated in the affidavit by a Pilot employee as knowing about the scheme, has not been charged with anything. Nor will Tennessee as a football program suffer any immediate financial difficulties as a result of the investigation into Haslam and Pilot.

What should be emphasized here? That the company most closely aligned with the University of Tennessee has executives who don't shower that often and who disdain pants. We started this post with a mind towards making fun of this, but as a blogger we have nothing but begrudging respect for the chillwave lifestyle of Pilot execs. Obviously not the fraud, mind you, but the low-maintenance, likely cargo short-heavy lifestyle? With shower-optional days built into the calendar? Quoth Holly: "The river's right there, man."