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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 3/27/2013

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WILL MUSCHAMP DESTROYS A WHITEBOARD (AGAIN)

Sam Greenwood

DO YOUR JOB. There's a lot going on here in just 20 seconds.

A. This is clearly Will Muschamp losing his mind and destroying a whiteboard for having the audacity to show what his defense--his Texas Longhorn defense at the time--was not doing against a very simple single back, two tight formation running power for significant gains. You hear the "DO YOUR JOB" part? As he says this, the dark mark of Saban burns on his arm like an old war wound.

B. Yes, haha, Will Muschamp is insane, but seriously this is why coaches like Muschamp, or Meyer, or Saban, or Holgorsen, or whomever have extraordinarily gifted spatial thinking skills often crowding out other fields of the brain others consider necessary (social skills, manners, hygiene, or in Will Muschamp's case, any control over the volume of his voice whatsoever.) This is halftime, and Muschamp has been on the field. He might have some input from up in the box, but the majority of his data has come from observing large men pushing each other around on a flat surface viewed from the side. If you've been on a sideline, it's a chore to even pick out one or two plays properly, much less formations, shifts, and personnel.

C. And yet Muschamp in the span of fifteen seconds explains formation, play, assignment, and gap control by role and position, and then probably moved on to another formation, play, and counter like it was nothing. Good coaches can do this in seconds, and explain the solution just as succinctly all within the constraints of a halftime meeting.

D. In summary: play explained, roles defined, defense briefed, and fit thrown all in under 28 seconds. It's brilliant, really.

(Via @teamcatlab)

THE WHITEBOARD COULD BE WORSE OFF. It could have fallen into the hands of Joker Phillips, who appears to be suffering an entertaining descent into madness during his tenure at Florida. If anyone wants to play wide receiver for Florida, he's taking applications. [snaps beef jerky stick in half] [throws on floor ominously]

WE SEE YOU, BK. You can't just assume the internet won't notice you slipping a song about a fake dead girlfriend in there, Brian Kelly. Oh, no, that was purely coincidence, you say? When has anything a head coach ever done been a coincidence? A Russian and a football coach don't take dumps without a plan, son.

A STANFORD MAN IS ELOQUENT. David Shaw likes players who can talk like Stanford men. The SEC scoffs at your insistence on an outmoded definition of "vocabulary," and instead embraces the ever-evolving vernacular of the country by testing recruits on their ability to use the words "janked up" and "ratchet."

"IT'S A SIMULATOR, AND THAT'S WHY THE KANSAS LINEBACKER MAKES AN ACTUAL TACKLE." Pictures of Charlie Weis with a VR headset on immediately, plz.

ETC: The Governator could be anywhere, perhaps even right behind you. Azteca and a draw and Jurgen Klinsmann doing weird things with his hands. Cocaine has made some pretty amazing music over the years.