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BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD TOAD. The villagers didn't know where it'd come from - they had gone to bed one night, and when they woke up, someone (or thing) had put a giant statue of a horned frog in the town square. Did human sacrifices keep it from coming to life and marauding through their homes? The villagers weren't going to find out the hard way.

OH BUT THIS IS THE MOST TERRIFYING THING YOU'LL SEE ALL DAY. "You know what we need on the side of our helmets? A real scary picture of that dude from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade who drinks from the wrong cup and melts. In a top hat."

DO NOT BE ALARMED. The reports of an 18 year old Baylor commit so strong that modern police weaponry and tactics cannot bring him down are (presses earpiece to hear better) - wait, no, we're screwed.

ANOTHER BRANCH IN THE PAUL JOHNSON COACHING TREE. Kennesaw State snags Brian Bohannon as its first-ever head coach, after his previous stops working with Navy's wide receivers and Georgia Tech's quarterbacks, the two school-specific position groups you are most likely to associate with unmitigated greatness.

GET WELL SOON, JAKE RYAN. Plenty of players come back from ACL tears just fine, but please don't go to any hospital supported financially by Dave Brandon. A "stuffed crust patella" is not as functional as you might think.

SONNY DYKES HAS GOT THIS. Step 1 - Install new, high-octane offense. Step 2 - Convince former Cal players who have moved on to NFL success to come back and play illegally. Step 3 - Take Miami Dolphins job once heat gets turned up.

ETC. This could have been the greatest Fulmer Cup incident ever, Georgia. A farewell to a titan in the field of "buy this for forty bucks it's uh i don't know volcanic buzzard extract and it builds lean muscle." RACE CARS LASERS AEROPLANES.