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THE MANCHURIAN QUARTERBACK

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MANY THANKS TO THE FINE CITIZENS OF GOOD BULL HUNTING FOR UNVEILING THIS PLOT AGAINST OUR NATION

DETAILS OF SOVIET PLOT CODENAME JOHNNY FYOOTBULL:

After much failure most brilliant Soviet science minds have devised simple plan to crush American enemy STOP Puny American brain is want to love athlete-hero with bad man attitude and fancy jeans style STOP Lab in Stavropol has created perfect specimen for immediate shipment to United States STOP Features of specimen include:

- Make touchdown with arm or motorized knee

- Eat firework whole, take no damage

- Long-last battery provide for multi-day party skill

- Program to destroy failed prototype ИICK SAЪAN

- No problem fight whole bar

- Throw American currency in air mid-discotheque

- Deprive American Purity Bot C0LL1N_KL3IN of award and prize

Recommend ship immediately await further instructions STOP Johnny Fyootbull will return our homeland to great prosper STOP