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HEAVY AND PENALIZED LIES THE CROWN

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IT'S NOT COLLEGE FOOTBALL BUT WE ARE ALL SUBJECTS OF THE SHIELD SO TOO BAD

Allison Joyce

The NFL just passed a rule that penalizes an offensive player for leading with the crown of his helmet outside the tackle box, a penalty that will be easy and uncontroversial to call during live play. Though these hypotheticals about how this rule will work are unnecessary, we provide them for your education all the same.

- Runner leads with crown inside tackle box. No penalty, because the tackle box is a safe place where injuries do not occur. Chris Simms would have TWO spleens today had he remembered that.

- Runner leads with crown and then defender, confused and trying to mimic runner just to fit in and be one of the guys, drops his crown as well. 15 yard penalty against the offense, and a pep talk to that defender about just being yourself.

- Runner starts to lead with crown, hesitates, gets obliterated (legally) by defender, fumbles. No penalty, save the shame of being called out as NOT A MAN for the rest of his career.

- Runner takes off helmet, flings it at defender. No penalty.

- Runner sees defender experiencing cardiac distress, lowers crown of helmet into defender's chest in attempt to save his life. Still a 15 yard penalty, but player is invited to Commissioner's office for a secret Fla-Vor-Ice.

- Runner and defender both lead with crown simultaneously. WAIT NO EGON WARNED YOU ABOUT THAT

Ghostbusters_medium

Great, now Bill Romanowski is free to roam the Earth.