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FULMER CUPDATE: MACK BROWN OFFERED HIM AS AN ARSONIST

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WHAT WOMEN WANT (IS PROBABLY NOT YOU GETTING A FELONY)

Cooper Neill

Demonstrate your love by beating up a tennis player. This is what I really want most from you, honey. It's not that we couldn't communicate, or that I'm insane, or that we just didn't work. What I really want, more than anything in this world, is for you to tell me not to even talk to other men. Correction: what I want most in this world is for you to do that, and then beat the shit out of a tennis player in front of me.

If you could break his jaw, I would marry you on the spot. Wait. You didn't!

According to Austin police, Jones fractured Joseph Swaysland's jaw outside an Austin nightclub on Feb. 22 after Jones saw Swaysland speaking with Texas volleyball player Katherine Bell. She told police she had been in a relationship with Jones that ended badly.

Oh my god honey we are getting married and I am having your babies on the spot! Thank you sweetie! Ur teh best!

XOXOXOXOXOXO,

No woman ever in the history of fucking civilization

P.S. That''s a felony charge with a possible maximum prison sentence of 20 years, so that's a three point charge for Texas in the Fulmer Cup.

P.P.S. Mack Brown offered him as an arsonist.