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MACK BROWN WAKES UP LATE FROM HIS NAP

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CONSARN THIS DEFECTIVE IPHONE ALARM

Tim Heitman-US PRESSWIRE

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Dammit.

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DAMMIT.

Gimme my phone. Gimme that Parade from 2009. Oh golly bull's balls this is terrible. Trent Richardson? You got a number for this kid Trent Richardson? I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOUR JABBER-JAGGER THIS KID LOOKS LIKE A FOOTBALL PLAYER CALL HIM.

And call this Vos Savant darlin' too. RAWR.

See? Ol' Mack still got some research skills.

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Dammit dammit dammit. We still got that Bob Stoops mask from the Halloween Party? Put that on and get to Snatch Chappin or whatever it is. Did we see a fat kid who can jump into this car on the way to the office? Sign him. Call the McCoys and the Shipleys. They have to have crapped out a couple of Sun Belt grade kids at least by now. If they haven't, tell 'em get to it. J-shaped fertility curve ain't helpin' recruiting either.

THREE THIRTY. Good lord, Mack. You've done this at the last second before but man, this ain't 2007. People'd soil themselves if they knew about 2011. Woke up and had 16 commits without recruiting anyone. The University of Texas autodrafts for you, thank God.

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FOUR FORTY FIVE TARNATION. Ok, you get your ass over to the Sweet Tomatoes. Find whoever goes back to the fro-yo bar and give em a scholarship and a stack of coupons. I'm heading to the copy room to run off 800 flyers. Real bare bones. Maybe just say "PLAY CHAMPION FOOTBALL FOR MACK BROWN $500 OBO"

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SIX THIRTY DAGGUMMIT. Worthless Tivo didn't even record Smash like I told it!