"@edsbs: The baby: 10 pounds, 4 ounces. I am taking scholarship offers starting now" Fax us a letter next week w/ the lad's footprint on it— Herb Hand (@CoachHand) January 30, 2013
You ask for it. You got it, sent mere minutes ago to the Vanderbilt football offices' email account. No, we didn't fax it, because there is actually no such thing as a functioning fax machine. BIG FAX WANTS YOU TO BELIEVE IN LIES.
The full text of the cover letter follows for easy readability.
Dear Vanderbilt Coaching Staff,
Please find attached the National Letter of Intent for one D'Brickashaw I. Hall, offensive/defensive line recruit from Atlanta, GA.
I understand that the practice of committing early is a dicey one. However, I believe that if you're not preparing you're falling behind, and thus would like to commit young "Brick" to Vanderbilt University despite being born last week.
Brick has shown promise already. At his current growth rate prorated from a birth weight of ten pounds and five ounces and a height of 23 inches, he should top out at somewhere around 7'2" and 385 pounds at his playing weight.
He also has displayed significant strength, lifting his head from his shoulders already. When converted to adult numbers, Brick lifting his head equates to a 1,400 pound neck lift. While not a complete strength profile, it certainly does hint at great strength potential.
He will not be fast. He will, however, be 7'2" and 385 pounds. This plan of attack worked for other successful SEC recruits like Terrence Cody and the legendary Floyd "Pork Chop" Womack. I believe it can work for you, as well.
Brick also has impressive arm flail and is an excellent communicator with a powerful, commanding cry. He is staring at the blinds a lot, and I assume this means he'll be academically brilliant. Qualifying will not be a concern.
Attached is a copy of his feet to verify size and potential.
CC: Coach Herb Hand, Vanderbilt University.
It's bold and it's unconventional, but dammit you don't land big fish in life without baiting the hook bright and early.