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FINGERS TO THE SKY. Miami, to the NCAA, in a NSFW piece of orchestral music constructed just for the occasion.

The NCAA somehow avoided cutting itself on the envelope--escaping death by exsanguination--and successfully delivered a letter of inquiry to Miami last night. The best piece of comedy to date in 2013 met an immediate and nasty rebuke by Donna Shalala, Miami President and former Slip N Slide label magnate, where she claims the NCAA, among other absurdities, actually used this methodology in establishing facts in the Shapiro case.

The NCAA enforcement staff acknowledged to the University that if Nevin Shapiro, a convicted con man, said something more than once, it considered the allegation "corroborated"—an argument which is both ludicrous and counter to legal practice.

The NCAA could counter by saying that this is not a legal proceeding. Miami will likely counter by saying yes, but now you have one, and handing the NCAA a lawsuit of some sort. Louisville also received a letter from the NCAA re: Clint Hurtt and their case, and hopefully they'll do the same thing Miami does with theirs. (I.e. applying it to the ass, putting it in an envelope, and returning to sender.)

NOTED POWERS WASHINGTON AND VIRGINIA. Alabama is again the king of oversigning, though it's fun to note that traditional oversigning squawlers in the Big Ten can take comfort that there are four Big Ten schools in the top ten. (Notre Dame is in the Big Ten. Shush. They are. Just because you're not in the party doesn't mean you don't belong there, man.)

RELEVANT: Everyone stop moving for five minutes. Look at your life. Look at your choices, Big Ten. Just look at them. Then, go ahead and invite the best prospects anyway, because JIm Delany is drinking a gallon of milk a day just to come back and win this damn squat-off with the SEC somehow.

MURFREESBORO IS FOR LOVERS. Don't come in the Sun Belt and expect not to tear da club up every now and then, since five MTSU football players (Former and current) were arrested as part of a "near riot" at a local club.

LOOKING APPROPRIATELY GLADITORIAL. Texas A&M's mockups of Kyle Field renovations look awesome.

ETC: Hulk Hogan's restaurant is not good! The rules about corner kicks are ridiculous. George Orwell wins all ledes, forever.