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FULMER CUPDATE: WEST VIRGINIA'S DEFENSE CONTINUES TO GENERATE POINTS

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In the bad way. Look, you made Holgo sad!

Jared Wickerham

Though this Cupdate is brought to you without Brian the Boardmaster's superb workmanship, do not let that lead you to doubt the enormity of his manhood, which is watching you play Solitaire right now. It says you should put that seven of hearts on the eight of clubs, by the way.

NC STATE. Maybe Tom O'Brien didn't win a national championship in Raleigh. And maybe he only finished with a winning conference record one time. Maybe he did replace all the cough syrup in town with strawberry milk. But he never would have let Logan Winkles pick up DUI and underage consumption charges, because that's what Tom O'Brien's Tandem Bike of Sobriety is for. That's three points you could have avoided if you'd only seen the value of a light sleeper with a tandem bicycle, Wolfpack.

WEST VIRGINIA. Saturday Night, as we're all aware, is Alright For Fighting. It is not, however, Alright For Driving Without Your Headlights On Because Your BAC Is Over The Limit And Also You're Carrying Someone Else's ID. Mostly because that's wordy as hell, and Sir Elton is all about efficiency. Failure to adhere to Elton John's rules is not a criminal offense, but the rest of that is and it's worth three points for the Mountaineers.

Double that tally with another three points after a separate member of the WVU secondary failed to use his words during a domestic altercation with a lady. Now he's in the unusual position of being barred from returning to the house the two share and being fitted with an electronic home confinement bracelet. Morgantown Police Chief Joseph Heller was not available for comment.