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LOVE POETRY FOR THE NIGHT SHIFT

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OH GIRL YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THE PENTAMETER

A night of love means a night of love's verse.

Todd Graham, acrostic:

Forever

Our

Romance

Holds

Immovably

Resolute

ExceptIfTheyOfferMeTheMiamiJob

Bret Bielema, haiku

I love you so much

But right now my hands are tied

The card says "anal."

Dana Holgorsen, elegy:

How mournful is a winter's night,

When fall seems such a distant sight,

The only thing that brings me calm,

Is knowing this: I fucked your mom.

Jimbo Fisher, quatrain:

When your image fills my head

I recall what Harrison said

When he was so wracked with pain

"Gary Oldman, get off my plane."

Urban Meyer, haiku

I'd give you my heart

But there is a problem, love.

It came from an ape.

Frank Beamer (haiku)

This truck, so rusty

it's spitting bolts and smoking

Just like your cooter

Gus Malzahn (limerick)

Gus Malzahn likes to play fast

His lovin' wants to score last

He doesn't have time

For a limerick's lines--

Will Muschamp, free verse

"This is just to say"

I have eaten

the plums

that were in

your icebox

that wasn't

your ice box

shit

what the

hell did

i just eat

not plums

you say

I'm gonna

go sleep

in the

film room

Nick Saban, sonnet

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun

The sun is a burning ball of gas. Eyes are eyes.

Miss Terry's eyes aren't fire.

Poetry's fucking stupid.

Bill Snyder, epic poem

Iram pande mihi Pelidae, Diua, superbi

Tristia quae miseris iniecit funera Grais

Atque animas fortes heroum tradidit Orco

Latrantumque dedit rostris uolucrumque trahendos

Illorum exsangues, inhumatis ossibus, artus.

Confiebat enim summi sententia regis,

protulerant ex quo discordia pectora pugnas,

Sceptriger Atrides et bello clarus Achilles.

- Bill Snyder, age 17

Brady Hoke, doggerel

Pizza in the morning,

Pizza in the evening,

Pizza at suppertime.

When pizza is on a bagel,

You can eat pizza

Anytime

Lane Kiffin, couplet entitled "Boobs."

Got a waterbed in my room that'll make you shout

Bounce twice on it and your boobs fall out.

[signs poem as "Fart")

Randy Edsall

[just submitted the lyrics to "The Reason" by Hoobastank and is disqualified]