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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 2/12/2013

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ALABAMA'S ROSTER ISSUES ARE NOW SOLVED

Kevin Jairaj-US PRESSWIRE

ROLLLLLLLLLLLL NOT PICKIN' UP THE CHECK WITH OUR OWN MONEY TIDE. After seeing Auburn pull off the legendary Switzer Slam--a national title, Heisman, and Fulmer Cup all in the same year--Alabama naturally had to attempt the same one day.

They may have launched that very campaign this weekend with the Monday arrest of four football players on credit card fraud and robbery charges. Linebacker Tyler Hayes, d-lineman D.J. Pettway, running back Brett Calloway, and defensive back Eddie Williams were all arrested for some combination of those charges, though we don't know the exact distribution of those charges. (UAPD is going to have a press release later today clarifying them.)

In addition to that bundle of points (all felonies), Williams was picked up Sunday for carrying a gun without a license, and Ms. Tuscaloosa smiled in her mugshot for leaving the scene of an accident. It's Tuesday morning, and everything's coming up Yellowhammer State. Roll tide.

WOODY HAYES WAS NOT MENTALLY STABLE. If you want to know what Woody Hayes did with his retirement, well, it involved letting turtles bite his genitals and forcing stunned onlookers to watch. This is the second story in the Curious Index today, and it is a truly special day. By the way, you are now imagining Woody Hayes testing this out on every animal in the wild, and it is a hilarious and disturbing and disturbing visage.

Dammit, bear, latch onto it. Latch onto it! YOU CALL THAT A BITE? THAT'S NOT FUCKIN' TOUGHNESS! YOU'RE A MICHIGAN MAMMAL!

"I'LL SKIP THAT ONE." TAMU Compliance answers very silly compliance questions from Godfrey and CO.

DELOSS DODDS TALKIN' SHIT. He's quite good at it:

"We’re going to have good years again," Dodds promised. "Our bad years are not that bad. Take a school like Missouri. Our bad years are better than their good years. But we’ve created a standard."

MOAR RANCH. The Big Ten will go to nine or ten conference games in the near future because the market demands it, and because they recently added Rutgers and Maryland. Remember when that happened, and wasn't one of your weirder, more boring and improbable dreams?

ETC: DROP THE BASS.