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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 12/3/2013

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FAREWELL, UNCLE ED

Stephen Dunn

AWWWWWWWWW NOOOOOOOOO EDDDDDDD COME BAAAAAACK

Sark got the hire, and Ed Orgeron resigned, ending the reign of college football's best stepdad ever. Players cried. Orgeron signed off with an all-caps huzzah, and will get a job at UConn, or Wake Forest, or somewhere else where they desperately need recruits, and um...well, we'll worry about the rest when we get those recruits. Steve Sarkisian will take over, Orgeron will go back to being the hustling, bellowing fearsome Ed O of old, and we'll forget the time that he went 6-2 in the Pac-12 by feeding everyone junk food way past midnight, patting a lot of backs, and turning into the snuggliest killing machine/spot uncle on the West Coast.

THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO CAN COACH FOOTBALL. Washington now has to replace a football coach with someone else who likes to boat to work. Jim Mora is allegedly one of those people, mostly because he went there and also because he did once state how much he liked that job while coaching the Atlanta Falcons.

THIS IS PROBABLY FAKE AS HELL. Then again, having watched some Alabama fans tip, it may not be. For additional MEGAGUMPIN', see this, which is gumping beyond any level of gumping since, well, since someone actually shot another person over not being upset enough over this game.

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. IT'S GREAT WHEN NICK SABAN CAN'T CONTROL SOMETHING HE GETS SO FUSSY WITH THE FLAPPING ARMS AND ALL.

WELL, HE DID SAY THAT. Urban Meyer does make a convincing case against his own team.

WE'LL ALLEGEDLY BE BACK. Andy's so much more sanguine about this. Meanwhile, FSU fans are fired up enough to challenge entire bars to machete fights.

HELL YES, MARCUS HALL. Our cousin did the wrong thing in The Game, and that is what made it so gloriously right.

ETC: THE MOST AMAZING INDIE VIDEO GAME EVER. This is curling at its finest.