THE CRIME OF THE CENTURY. Polygraph tests. Suspicious bodily fluids. An investigation cut short, leaving a possibly innocent man in the lurch. A balcony crime scene. Read Robert Ludlum's THE SOUTHWICK SUSPENSION today!
GO AHEAD, RUN. Run to the Army, Jeff Monken. Show us how scared you are to give Will Muschamp a rematch. QUITTER.
LET THE WOOING OF COACH O BEGIN. Winning an ex back is not an easy thing, USC, but Ed Orgeron might be swayed with a traditional Cajun love potion: 2 parts muscadine pulp, 3 parts persillade, 1 part night heron beak, a dash of kidnapped Fish and Wildlife Agent hair, and a bay leaf garnish.
IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR. When the players all are free / Every coach you hear / Seems to say / "He's suspended / For possession of some weeeeeeeed"
OBLIGATORY. Bill Connelly is a good man and a hard worker, because he wrote an extensive preview of today's Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl for you. That's discipline, because we would have only given you a short list of things you should do other than the Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl, which would have included cleaning the gutters. (Those gutters need cleaning. You know it.)