THE CURIOUS INDEX, 11/07/2013

PREPARE YOUR EYEBALLS. Tonight's doubleheader (sorry, Troy, we'll have to ignore you for now) has potential to be the greatest Thursday slate ever, and you're going to want to be prepared going in. That way, you'll sound extremely knowledgeable at work on Friday when you show up at 11:00, smelling terrible and looking worse.

WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK US. Maryland took the old-fashioned approach to assuring fans that the move to the B1G was a smart one: planting positive messages on Terrapins message boards. This is just smart business, because I'm sure you can do something to make people on message boards happy.

"I'M TOO DAMN OLD TO GO SOMEPLACE ELSE AND START OVER." Sure, you say that, Nick Saban, but we can see the longing in your eyes. That look of a man who wants to prove himself one last time, to show that he can build a program out of nothing and take it to the top. The look of a man...who wants to coach at UConn.

DOOMSDAY PREPPER FOOTBALL. Canned goods. Water purification equipment. Weapons and ammunition. Gas masks. Poinsettia Bowl bids. These are the basic items you need to survive in our post-apocalyptic world, and make sure you bring those weapons with you to the Poinsettia Bowl, because all those loose animals from the San Diego Zoo are gonna be hungry.

ETC. No links today. Only sweet, weird memories.

I mean, just LOOK at those shorts.