THE CURIOUS INDEX, 11/6/2013

WELL SURE THIS IS JUST COMICAL AT THIS POINT SO WHY THE HELL NOT. Tyler Moore, Florida offensive lineman and a starter at tackle against Georgia, fell off a scooter last night and broke his arm. This leaves the Gators with two healthy offensive linemen, and everyone is dead. We called Gainesville this morning, and they are all dead, and dead forever. Someone please call the crows and point them to the feast where we used to have a football team.

TWIS IS ALL NORTHWESTERN, BASICALLY. The person crying in the shower, but somehow posting on a message board simultaneously, is our favorite.

HE KEPT IT IN THE LOCKER ROOM. And now Cal football player Fabiano Hale is recovering from a beating he took in the locker room at the hands of an unnamed teammate. But he followed the code, and that's what counts here.

IN POSITIVE FOOTBALL THINGS. We were going to say that these boys seem so nice because they're obviously Canadian, but the story takes place in Michigan, so yeah, they're Canadian, and very nice Canadians at that.

PAGING LUSCIOUS BROWN. J.C. Copeland, giant killybear fullback for LSU, is fully recovered from knocking himself out turning a corner in the showers after the Ole Miss game. At one point after the incident, he met a strange new friend.

After slipping, Copeland said he was "dazed" for the next few minutes. At one point, he called himself by another name, "Luscious Brown." "Don’t know where that came from," he said.

Luscious Brown and J.C. Copeland will both be starting against Alabama on Saturday night.

HE CAN ALWAYS FALL BACK ON "ALREADY HAVING THE NAME OF AN ACCOUNTING AGENCY." A miserable 3-5 season for North Carolina got even worse as starting QB Bryn Renner's career at UNC is over after a shoulder injury this past Saturday against NC State. They had to slide his shoulder joint back into place, a phrasing that really soft-pedals how painful getting your shoulder put back in place really is.

AND THE HUMORLESS VOID THAT IS AUBURN FANS. Jerkwheat is on Friends With Muscles this week, and the humorlessness of Auburn fans is a serious topic of discussion. (War Eagle Reader classics being the exception, of course, because we're all real blessed as long as Auburn's around.)

ETC: "Enough money to burn a wet mule" is a fine choice here, but it's c-a-t-t-y-w-a-m-p-u-s and will be until and after we die. YESSSS NEW ARCHER THINGS. Mike Golic has lost every locker room fight of the mind he has ever fought. Oh, sure, let's just do things like it's the 21st century now, and fly around scenic locations in jetpacks. Love means never hitting the taser a third time.