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Jared C. Tilton


The head falling off is a delightful touch. (HT: R/cfb)

ILLINOIS FIGHT! The most violent college football staff in the land can't stop pointing guns at each other as jokes.

University of Illinois football staff member and former NFL player Matt Sinclair was charged Monday with two felonies after allegedly pointing an unloaded handgun at a vehicle carrying other staff members, authorities said.

It was a joke, per Sinclair, who clearly understands how much people love jokes involving guns people don't know are empty. What the hell is in your drinking water, Champaign-Urbana, and how does it make you so angry, and yet so bad at a violent game?

HE'S THE EASIEST MAN IN THE WORLD TO PLEASE. Les Miles talks Thanksgiving, and the last fork and/or spoonful, because let's be honest do you think Les Miles carefully considers his cutlery when eating, and doesn't just grab an implement and begin shoveling? He once ate an entire paella with a child's sand shovel. Best meal he ever had.

WOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT FIRST GUY. Rich Rod's lost some weight, yo.

"AUBURN PLAYED A GREAT GAME." It's good to see that Nick Saban, fountain of human happiness, is still mad about the Bluegrass Miracle. A game that his team won. And did not lose. NICK SABAN IS STILL MAD AT HIS 2004 LSU TEAM WHICH HE DOES NOT COACH ANYMORE, AND AT 2004 NICK SABAN, WHOSE CELLS HAVE LONG SINCE BEEN SHED AND RECREATED IN A NEW MAN.

"WE'LL EITHER HAVE IT OR WE'LL NEED IT." It is not an important Auburn football game without the inclusion of a church, Auburn Jesus, and related spiritual instruction.

MOOS VENGEFUL OF HIM. If you talked shit to Washington State AD Bill Moos during Wazzu's disastrous 2012, you really might not get on that bowl game train with the Cougs thanks to his personal blacklist. If you're thinking, "Oh, that'll be everyone at EDSBS for Florida's bowl game next year," well ahahahaah like we're ever going to be good at football with Will Muschamp as our head coach ever again.

ETC: Oh, Stanford football, it's cute that you think you have nerd game when this exists.