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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 11/18/2013

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I WILL ROUNDHOUSE KICK A TEXTBOOK

Streeter Lecka

MICROCOSMS. Florida is 4-6, and Will Muschamp is responding by losing fights to chalkboards. Florida State is undefeated and appears headed for the national championship, and the Seminoles are working on their puzzle-solving skills.

BOX SCORE PORN. Featuring the good (Baylor's record-smashing offense), the bad (Sean Mannion's night against Arizona State), and the CUTCLIFFE (seriously Miami you got run the hell over by Duke ahahahaahahaha).

BAD NEWS, OCTAVIAS MCKOY. You know that single game rushing record you set earlier this year? The one where you ran for 455 yards? Yeah, that's only second place now. Sorry.

P.S. Heidelberg's athletic teams are called "The Student Princes." D-III, you are amazing.

JUST SCRUUUUB THE GROUND. Hello would you like to see Mike Gundy dropping it low after beating Texas of course you would CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK.

WE DO NOT APPROVE. Look, we get that you have to go through the motions of a coaching search, USC. It's important to let players, fans, and the media know that you've been deliberate and thorough in selecting Lane Kiffin's successor. But so help us, if you actually hire Jack Del Rio instead of Ed Orgeron, we will never forgive your treachery. He already proved he could handle an edged weapon!

ETC. "Obviously this man is a cold-hearted killer with the ability to seamlessly traverse space-time, that much is clear." Control-F JEETS.