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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 11/1/2013

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LIMPING TO GREATNESS AND MAYBE BOWL ELIGIBILITY

Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sport

GOOOOOOOOOOO DAWWWWWGGGGS. At least he's ripped off Hopsecutioner, so you know his hangover will sing of locally sourced pain.

You had her until you touched your nipples, dude. (No you didn't.)

JUST LEAVE THAT ON THE PORCH UNTIL IT ROTS. Manziel in profile looks just as majestic on a pumpkin, if not more so. Kevin Sumlin doesn't need a pumpkin: just a cattle gun.

THE PERSONALITY CHIP IS TAKING QUITE WELL. DITKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

ROLLLLLLLLLL HEROIN TIDE. Remember, the best way to mock a fanbase is to start listing things they have actually done, like saying "Roll Tide" when being stuffed into a police van for drug charges.

LOOK, HERE, FINE, STUFF ABOUT GEORGIA PLAYING FLORIDA. It's bad, it's dismal, and we're going to lose, so let's just throw him overboard, raid the captain's liquor cabinet, and play whist and sing while the ship goes down and then hug the sharks as they devour us and say bubbly mute thank yous in their ears while they chew on our legs.

WATCH THIS INSTEAD. At least the people in Michigan/Michigan State have legs and arms and hope. Who? Michigan who? The Michigan Man laughed, and reclined into a plushly appointed leather study divan as Michigan State stole his silverware and raided the jewelry box for like the fifth time in the past six years.

At least Michigan wins the student newspaper battle.

One of my earliest interactions with Michigan State started with a female Spartan screaming at me to suck a part of her body that she categorically cannot possess.

YOU ALMOST MADE IT. And then rolled your car into the back of a police car, young man, which is literally the last thing you want to hit when drivin' tipsy back to your house.

LOOKING SWOLE, GAR-GAR. Gary Andersen really did look like a fuckin' Viking once.

ETC: Codgery at its finest. Easy explanation? Nargles. HIT STICK, BUSS' DICK, TOUGH SHIT.