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Stephen Lam

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DAVID SHAW WILL KILL YOU WITH A VERSE. A Stanford man enjoys the blood of his opponents drained surgically, and then congealed into a pleasant tureen garnished with locally sourced produce. (We bet David Shaw writes the bitchiest homeowners' association letters.)


"If you pressed me today, I'd say we may never return a punt again, just because when you do that, you have to turn and go with those guys to shadow them," he said. "When you do that, you open the door (to a fake).

We await the exciting elimination of all elements of effort from Iowa's game until they reach a perfect equilibrium of defensive series played in Cover 3, kneeldowns on offense, and max protect punts on special teams. Because Kirk Ferentz is Sultan of Iowa, he will coach Iowa football until he dies, and there is no relief in sight. (And they're 4-2! Without any discernible reason to be 4-2, because IOWA FOOTBALL.)

MIKE LEACH HAS ADVICE ON DOGS. It's sound advice, at that.

I like beagles, like the fact that they make a lot of noise, take off the neighbors, but they don't age well. But they don't age well. The older they get they get fat bodies and little heads.

Leach also believes college students shouldn't have dogs, which if you've seen the way Smokey lunges at players from the Tennessee sidelines is probably an accurate prescription. Washington State has won two conference games in the Pac-12, and that's nice because it's nice to write about "Mike Leach, football coach and good quote" instead of "Mike Leach, dude having a hard time up on the Palouse and good soundbite."

BUDDIES! We really don't care what the NCAA does with the Alabama case, since a player should be able to get money paid for them for their talents wherever it comes from, but it is fun to note that Nick Saban and Mark Emmert are friends, and by that we mean Mark Emmert still lives in an emotional ice bath of daily fear and dread that Saban will beat him as badly as he did every Wednesday during his reign of terror in Baton Rouge.

ETC: The preseason is hard for everyone. Gay Talese's notes on his legendary Frank Sinatra story are bonkers. Finding Dave Chappelle and getting him to talk is harder to do than one can possibly imagine. The NYT meeting Twitter has been funnier than it has any right to be.