Aaron Murray is the SEC's all-time leading passer by yardage, and one of the greatest of all time. It's time to pay respects to the Georgia great by not asking those who helped him get there: the thirty-eight players, including Aaron Murray, who have caught his immaculate passes and would say all of these things exactly as they are written if asked:
Caleb King: "Undoubtedly the best product to come out of Tampa since Spliffers, the kitchen mop pads you can smoke."
Fred Munzenmaier: "The ball makes vintage Nokia ringtone noises when you catch it."
Shaun Chapas: "I heard some scientist studied the sound waves coming off one of Aaron's passes and said it synced with Faith. That's crazy. It's definitely Freedom! 90'."
Branden Smith: "Pass so beautiful/ from perfect hands of Murray/ I've forgotten the number of syllables in a haiku/ Reggie Ball'd."
Kris Durham: "His passes are so catchable they should be hepatitis at Florida State."
Logan Gray: [fair catches question]
Washaun Ealey: "He's great at avoiding pressure, like he's got eyes in the front of
Carlton Thomas: "Aaron had his 350th attempt in the first game of the 2011 season, which equals the number of passes Georgia Tech has thrown in the past four years combined. Put down the fuckin' flip phone, Paul Johnson."
Rantavious Wooten: "Momma said I've named you Rantavious, which is Latin for 'catches balls from a hippie-lite white dude who's gonna be a broker some day.' Well, mom. Here we are."
A.J. Green: "I've never seen him thrown an interception, but I'm legally blind and work by sonar. So yeah, I'm not the person to ask. You'd be astonished what NFL scouts don't ask about."
Zander Ogletree: "He can throw passes in Spanish, but he knows that'd make the fanbase uncomfortable."
Tavarres King: (coughs up pile of bones that spell out "He's got an excellent sense of where to put the ball so the receiver can gain yardage after the catch.")
Orson Charles: "I know it doesn't make sense, but those passes felt like a Panera smells - consistent, and processed, but also sort of comforting."
Marlon Brown: "He's also been our defensive coordinator for the past three years SHIT I wasn't supposed to tell anyone about that---"
Aron White: "He threw a live duck at me on an out pattern instead of a ball. We scored."
Bruce Figgins: "If you catch an Aaron Murray pass on a fall morning, it gives off just a hint of pumpkin spice, and then you're gang-tackled by crazed white girls."
Israel Troupe: "The first ball he threw me had a little bag of Jordan almonds tied to it. I always thought that was a classy touch."
Rhett McGowan: "I have 246 yards receiving as a Georgia wide receiver and I'm a 54 year old optometrist from Wyoming. He's THAT good."
Isaiah Crowell: "Those throws look so pretty, but then you let them borrow your car and next thing you know they've planted a gun."
Richard Samuel: "I think those passes are genetically modified, because I've been pooping corn for three months."
Brandon Harton: "No gluten-free option, not friendly to strollers. One star."
Ken Malcome: "An Aaron Murray pass can clear up your complexion in a day, or give you boils the size of golf balls. That sounds bad, but SCRIPT FLIP: you're now growing golf balls, and are the most powerful man in Georgia."
Brandon Boykin: "He'd just fit the ball in spaces that seemed impossible. I caught four balls against Vanderbilt while I was in utero."
Malcolm Mitchell: "On his recruiting visit, he dressed up like the Kurgan and threw balls at Joe Cox's face. Nobody even talked about bringing charges."
Michael Bennett: "He actually doesn't have a dominant hand. Coach won't allow it because it's too kinky."
Taylor Bradberry: "If he's kneeling at the fifty yard line, and throws a ball through the uprights, well that's Tyler Bray in an Aaron Murray mask, and you should call the Park Service immediately. The Mexican Park Service. Treaties are weird."
Todd Gurley: "His passes are so sexy he hasn't been allowed to play at Alabama because they're considered marital aids. He did get away with putting it in Auburn once while no one was looking last year, though."
Keith Marshall: "Aaron Murray is like the father I never had, because he's a 22 year old white guy from Tampa who throws me footballs, and that's, like, not my dad at all."
Merritt Hall: "By no means are they all perfect balls. He covered one in Sichuan peppercorns once after reading about them in Bon Appetit. That was a nightmare."
Arthur Lynch: "An Aaron Murray pass can vacate a jury in seven Georgia counties, though no one's sure which ones and on what days."
Chris Conley: "Aaron drilled George O'Leary in the head once and he didn't smile and envision the good in every man's heart, which is how you know George O'Leary is just an evil sclerotic sloth that's been foolin' humans by walkin' on its hinterlegs for sixty years now."
Jay Rome: "He's such an accurate passer that he's barred from even entering a state fair. Though that may also be due to the time he deep-fried a cabbage on 3rd and 2. But that's what Bobo called for."
Justin Scott-Wesley:" I once looked up as a nine year old boy leering in the back of a Spencer's gifts and saw a perfect nine yard comeback ball streaking toward me. I dropped the deck of sex cards and caught it. I don't know if that was Aaron, but I like to think it was. Otherwise it was a creepy guy in the back of a Spencer's gifts, and I'd like that to stay a happy place for me."
J.J. Green: "If he hits the State Capitol at midnight with a football Outkast will get back together. He knows this, but doesn't think we deserve it yet."
Brendan Douglas: "Man, those catches were (redacted pursuant to court order in State v. S.W.A.T.S. Eagle Leukocyte Hand Sanitizer Products Inc.)"
Quayvon Hicks: "My girl's been multi-orgasmic since I caught my first Aaron Murray ball, and it don't even feel weird to say that."
Reggie Davis: "If he throws in a dense fog his passes trace the entire text of the Bhagavad Gita."
Aaron Murray: "Overrated."