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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 10/07/2013

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DAMMIT CHUCKIE NEVER HURT NOBODY

Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

BOLT LYERLA. Oregon's colossus of a tight end has decided to take his leave from the football team and the university, but he's not transferring. It's a tough blow for the Ducks, who will probably now only average 53 points a game instead of their current 59.

THE MAC IS NOT TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY. If you only beat one team that finishes with a winning record in two and a half seasons, you're damn right you'd better...(fumbles with sunglasses) (accidentally snaps bridge) (puts sunglasses on anyways, all cockeyed and sad) Treadwell.

WHY WE HATE DOING THE MONDAY CI. Being in charge of the Monday Curious Index always means running through the list of injured players, and, man, is this an especially lousy week:

- Notre Dame loses linebacker Jarrett Grace and receiver Daniel Smith to bone breaks.
- Versatile Oklahoma linebacker Corey Nelson may miss the rest of the season with a pectoral tear.
- Aaron Murray is healthy, and basically everyone else for Georgia isn't.
- LORD NO WHY HAVE YOU TAKEN CHUCKIE

SOUND THE CHARACTER ISSUES ALARM. One thing we can say for certain about Jadeveon Clowney: he is not a bad enough dude to rescue the President. (Now watch him fall in the draft, wind up on the Ravens, and ruin AFC North lives for a decade.)

FAIRNESS IS FAIR. Paul Rhoads got emotional after the refs jobbed him. Mike Davis cheap shotted an opponent. Naturally, they received the same punishment: a reprimand from the Big 12, which can be redeemed for a free Strawberry Limeade at Sonic.

ETC. NOT OKAY, SCIENCE.