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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 1/4/2013

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WE HAVE AN UNUSUAL RULING

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OH MY GOD THERE IT IS. The moment we've hunted for years. The call Ron Cherry was born to make. The confluence of the two. The resulting joy. The motherfuckin' one-point safety.

The elusive one-point safety happened last night, meaning that Oregon had to go 8-7-7-3-6-1-3 to get to their final total of 35, which is why you should never play Chip Kelly in any kind of combinatorial game. It sucks to lose like that at the end, K-State, but a.) you played a third quarter against Oregon, and that was your final mistake, and b.) you got to play a major role in Ron Cherry's greatest performance. WE HAVE AN UNUSUAL RULING. (In our pants.)

CHIP KELLY FOOTBALL IS OUR MONARCH BUTTERFLY. Just breezing through, likely gone, and like most of the beautiful things in life, fleeting.

TOM CORBETT'S LAWSUIT IS BULLSHIT. That's a legal term, we had Bobby Big Wheel look it up and everything.

GET DOWN YOU BEAUTIFUL ORCA. While Gangnam Style may still be hitting the isolated halls of Notre Dame, do understand that it cannot get old if the person doing the dance is Louis Nix.

STAY HARD WRONG, GARY. You have to admire Gary Danielson's commitment to being wrong, and then firmly camping out in wrong for years at a stretch.

You can depend on these plays that they’re running over and over again. When you’re a Georgia player and you get to the sideline and you look at a coach, the coach looks back and says, ‘I got nothing for you. They’re knocking your ass off the ball.’ There is no tweak to stop that. You might have a tweak to stop the spread, but there is no tweak for the inside zone."

Chip Kelly runs inside zone out of a spread formation, but whatever, Gary Danielson. Have fun watching the stoppable, totally gimmicky offense that beat Alabama blaze against Oklahoma tonight.

TENUTA AND TOM O'BRIEN? If you have a pet you cannot take care of and wish to surrender it to a quality home, the adoption services offered by Mike London are ready when you are.

ETC: The sexiest lockup in America. If he was watching the Super Bowl, then this really was super-insane. Why yes, the production of The Blues Brothers did include a cocaine budget. "Oh damn, must've left those babies at Delta Burke's house."