THE CURIOUS INDEX, 01/30/2013

A VICTORY FOR LAWYERS. Technically, yes, not getting your class action thrown out on procedural grounds is also a victory for the players pursuing a share of TV revenue. But that's still a long way off from actually winning the suit or getting a good settlement, so let's talk about the real champion: the billable hour, still strong after all these years.

NOBODY LIKES A FULMER CUP TEASE. Sure, it's a stupid move to tell a cop to get the fuck out of your face. But if all it gets you is thrown out of a basketball game, you're not going to put up any points for Arizona, Ka'Deem Carey. Stop dilly-dallying and get to that Fulmer Cup end zone.

RECRUIT RANKINGS ARE MEANINGLESS EXCEPT WHEN THEY AREN'T. Sometimes a five star running back turns out to be Adrian Peterson. Other times he ends up being Isaiah Crowell. Please forget all this once we hit Signing Day and just argue about how your school got more average stars than your rival, because college football is Super Mario 64.

THE COMMITTEE TO DISCUSS FORMING A RESHUFFLING COMMITTEE HAS BEEN ADJOURNED. It seems baffling that it takes so much effort and time to make the B1G divisions simpler, but then you remember: more meetings mean more free continental breakfasts, and Jim Delany LIVES for free continental breakfast.

BRIAN KELLY'S HEART IS IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL. And by that we mean NFL teams will not let Brian Kelly cover "Barracuda" at press conferences.

ETC. Stealing $65,000 worth of chicken wings takes careful planning. This theft did not. Bid a fond farewell to Bomani & Jones. Happy birthday, Peter Crouch!