THE CURIOUS INDEX, 01/29/2013

TENNESSEE SEEMS LIKE THE NATURAL DESTINATION. We're referring, of course, to Texas A&M quarterback Jameill Showers, who's leaving College Station because the role of backup there largely consists of falsely confessing to misdemeanors Johnny Manziel actually committed.

NO MORE PEW PEW PEW. Virginia loses offensive coordinator Bill Lazor to Chip Kelly and the Eagles. Is the next move to put Tom O'Brien in charge of the Wahoo attack? Perhaps - but there is another way. (HT: @THEKEYPLAY)

NEVER SHOULD HAVE GOT THAT ADJUSTABLE RATE MORTGAGE ON THE SUNSPHERE. Tennessee is sort of broke, but it's in that way that super rich megacorporations go broke, which is to say that they don't really. (We are now really wishing that the Volunteers had hired Mark Mangino so we could make a TOO BIG TO FAIL joke.)

WE ALL HAVE A COUSIN LIKE THIS. "Hey, how's everything going, Big East?" "Oh, just great, dude - got some really good business opportunities lined up, just waiting on permits and funding and shit like that. You should really get in on this. Getting laid off was the best thing that's ever happened to me." "So, um, did you not pay your power bill?" "I said everything's great."

I YIELD THE REMAINDER OF MY TIME TO SENATOR COYOTE WITH A CONCEALED CARRY PERMIT. The Texas legislature is doing the business of the people: namely, requiring Texas and A&M to play annually. Of course, laws are meaningless without enforcement mechanisms. Mandatory hiring of Head Coach Rick Neuheisel, for example.

A FEW WORDS OF WELCOME. As you've likely heard, Fearless Leader's clan has grown by one, and we, his loyal staff, would like to offer the following congratulations:

Congratulations to Spencer on the birth of his second child, Ronald Princington Hall, Jr. May the child have all the undeserved success in life of Lane Kiffin without any of the bitter aftertaste. - Bunkie Perkins

I hope your son said "now I know what a TV dinner feels like" when he as coming out because I know you had him watch Die Hard in utero. Congrats on the expanding brood, and #RonP4Godfather. - Bobby Big Wheel

After coarchitecting a second human life, maybe it's time to seriously stop thinking about playing god? - Luke

Newest Swindle: Welcome! You enter a world where Jim L. Mora has job security, Florida State hasn't joined the Big 12, and Matt Millen is not yet Secretary of the Treasury. What will your future hold? No one knows for certain, but don't freak out when your dad starts building you a Pip-Boy 3000. He just wants the best for you after the Super Mutants take over. - Run Home Jack