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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 1/16/2013

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THE CURIOUS INDEX IS CALLING AN IPAD A BUSINESS CARD

Joe Robbins

IT IS BULLETPROOF AND CAN CUT A MAN'S HEAD OFF.

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James Franklin is now starting a trend that will end up with Will Muschamp handing out survival knives with his contact information written on it. And Auburn? Oh, Auburn's totally going to try and call an iPad a business card. Watch it happen, and call us gypsy seers for calling it so far ahead fo time.

THIS IS ENTIRELY SHOCKING. Or not, because Brent Musburger has never, ever given a shit, and never will.

FIGHTIN' IN DA CLUB, KIFFIN EDITION. A postgame brawl in the locker room, you say? We're sure Ed Orgeron had nothing whatsoever to do with this, save taking his shirt off, wading into the middle of it, and confusing the hell out of everyone by yelling WILD BOYZ and assuming it was a team building exercise.

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP JAMES WILDER. GET THIS ADORABLE BABY AN AGENT.

FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA IS MASS COMMUNICATIONS. When Shane Beamer was talking about recruiting a QB, he was talking about Logan Thomas returning for another year in Blacksburg, not committing an NCAA violation. Still, let this be a lesson that being creative in anything you say ever is a risk, and should be discouraged in all football coaches ever except Steve Spurrier. (He is a master of the English language, and also use of the belly putter during work hours.)

ACE SANDERS BACK? No, actually. Ace Sanders, decidedly not back, and headed to the NFL.

PUSHING THE BALL, YOU SAY? Things are not going swimmingly for Collin Klein at the East-West Shrine Game.

YOU SHOULD RE-READ THIS THING FROM 2007. Pete Carroll has been insane for years, and will not cease his insanity for some time.

ETC: You should just never, ever New York, ever. George Carlin: a man ahead of his time.