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YOU NEED A BEARD, DAN RUBENSTEIN. Forty-eight minutes would seem excessive for a year-end recap to anyone who didn't just spend the last six months talking college football, but since we just did that then it's practically a micropodcast, yes?

The birthin' beard is getting out of hand.

TOMMY TUBERVILLE IS OUR NEW AMBASSADOR TO A COUNTRY WE DO NOT WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH. Three recruits told to look elsewhere, and somewhere in 2007 Tommy Tuberville fell, hit his head, and did not notice when his diplomacy chip fell out of his ear. Tony Franklin then found it and ate it, because he was hungry.

JAKE SPAVITAL IS YOUR NEW KLIFF. He's 27 years old, and he's already better at his job than you are and that's really, really depressing until you remember he's now in charge of keeping Johnny Manziel thriving. Then you smile, and perhaps put a sparkler in your mouth in celebration.

KENTUCKY FOOTBALL, A JOB CREATOR. And not just every five years when they create a job by firing their coaching staff, either, since the Kentucky Commonwealth Stadium expansion project will allegedly create 120 construction jobs. They puttin' in a kitchen, y'all! JESSE. WE'LL COOK IN COMMONWEALTH STADIUM.

AU REVOIR, TODD. One of the bearded legends of SEC bloggin' is retiring, and deservedly so.

ETC: No matter the situation, keep your mind on what matters: the pizza. The Lindsay Lohan film experience story circulating yesterday is just as spectacular as billed. GAYGAY, you are truly the bravest Georgian. NOT EVEN IF HE'S RELEASED [REGGAETON HORN]