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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/20/2012

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WE DON'T EVEN... Just...um....NSFW? If penis-shaped spaceships are NSFW, then yes, this is NSFW.

We don't know how this ends

THE NEW GUYS MEET OUR RESIDENT TROLL-GHOST. If college football has four houses just like Hogwarts, then the SEC's house ghost is Paul Finebaum. He wanders the hallways randomly scolding or taunting the residents, and then disappears into a wall since, like a ghost, no one's really sure what he does in his free time.

Gary Pinkel met him this week, and it went as well as could be expected.

Host: "You said Monday in your press conference that anyone who questions James Franklin’s toughness has been in a coma for a few years. So, elaborate on that if you would."

Pinkel: "True. Well, look how he played last year. He’s one of the toughest players I’ve ever been around in my life. And no one has ever questioned his toughness. So, that dude (Finebaum) must have been in a coma. I don’t even know who you’re talking about. I don’t know who he is. So, it doesn’t matter to me."

Your initiation into the House of HIck-erin is complete, Gary Pinkel. You can't hit him but you can always hear him, and that's Paul Finebaum.

ABORTIVE MACTION. Buffalo fans almost left the game early to watch basic cable reality tv, and no one would blame them because watching your quarterback go 4-22 for 92 yards will drive anyone into the jiggling, loving arms of Honey Boo Boo.

JOHN L. SMITH HAS NO MONEY, PART ELEVEN. $800 in cash to his name, and John L.'s basically his own opening stanza of a rags-to-riches hustle anthem right now.

DAMMIT DON'T MAKE THIS DIFFICULT. Dabo Swinney is now slightly less mockable and dammit, Dan Wetzel, don't complicate satire with facts, man.

AWWWWW. Notre Dame fans will be wearing leis to support Mant Te'o this weekend after he lost his grandmother and his longtime girlfriend in the same week. It will be a touching scene, a moving moment, and then Te'o will put his helmet into Denard Robinson's chest. Such is the emotional complexity of this magnificent sport.

AWWWWW WAIT NO-- Michigan fans did get a head start on things by hanging a Michigan banner and flag on the Notre Dame campus, but at least they complimented the landscaping in their open letter admitting the caper. Notre Dame gardeners: you are appreciated.

WE DARE YOU TO LOOK AWAY. Louisiana Tech's line calls better involve the phrase "wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeah!"

BEARS. Ole Miss, the rawest campus in the South forever.