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There isn't really a proper name for it. The diagonal grid version is the Justin Tuck, while the more properly aligned matrix extending clear up to the cheekbones might as well be called the Bane. (Again: Bane is just wearing a CPAP, there is nothing funny or intimidating about sleep apnea. HE's MEAN BECAUSE HE NEEDS SLEEP.)

In a game so boring it qualified as SEC-grade, it was hard not to notice Michigan State and Notre Dame have both embraced the newest in football fashion: the mega-mask, aka the cowcatcher you wear on your face. So has Texas, and if Texas is already on it, then soon they will have the biggest, most expensive, and impractically swaggy facemasks in college football.


It's not like nose tackles need to really see anything. They work more on smell, anyway. Did you know a defensive tackle can smell a single drop of blood up to seven miles away in open water? And will just wait for you to bleed out, because it's nice on the dock there the grill and the food and the ladies are? Take note: what they lack in abs they make up for in draft value and reduced heating bills, ladies. (The husband, guard bear, and heat pump, all in a single gigantic package.)