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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/17/2012

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UNFINISHED RIBSNESS. That's what I would call the all-you-can-eat spareribs deal if I owned a Southern California restaurant that specialized in hearty American fare and shit talking, especially now that anyone can just stroll on up to Lane Kiffin and verbally rock his shit. AT LAST, THE TROLLER HAS BECOME THE TROLLED. (It gets even worse for Kiffin next year when he discovers that his second daughter has actually been a Stanford band member in costume all along.)

CRANK 3: FROM HUSK TIL DAWN. Bo Pelini is doing fine after leaving Nebraska's game against Arkansas State, though there still isn't much information out on what his condition was. We're not saying Gus Malzahn implanted a xenomorph in Pelini right before the game. We're saying Tom Osborne did, and you should consider it an honor and a privilege. Steve Spurrier still keeps in touch with his own Osborne-abomination, who you may know as Noah Brindise.

IT STARTS WITH A FEW MINOR CRIMES. They don't even make the news, and the public goes about its business believing all to be well. But, like a wood frame home that has a handful of termites, the foundation erodes steadily and, in the blink of an eye, it's chaos in the streets. And it all starts with a seemingly small bean-and-cheese theft. Craig James tried to warn you, Washington State. Hold your families close, and your enchiladas closer.

DON'T YOU DARE LOOK AT ME, BILL CONNELLY. It's one thing to ponder the unfortunate employment future of Joker Phillips or Frank Spaziani. But Robb Akey? He is and always will be the President of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club, Kibbie Chapter.

NUMBERS DON'T ALWAYS TELL THE STORY. Sure, Ole Miss let Texas roll up 676 total yards, didn't force a turnover, never recorded a sack, and only forced the Longhorns to punt once. That doesn't mean there wasn't any sound defensive play coming out of Oxford.


If only we'd had a hundred of your caliber and discipline in Salt Lake City, sir. We salute you and offer you the Colorado job.

ETC. Because a continental breakfast tastes better with a side of cool balls. Jimbo Fisher is very excited for the arrival of Florida State's newest non-conference opponent. You don't listen to us anyways, GameDay, but there is only one FSU alum worth of guest picking WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE? No one on the corner has Taggart like us. Nevada, yo.