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WEST VIRGINIA MAKES DOWN PAYMENT ON MANSION OF GREATNESS

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Dana Holgorsen got a six year contract extension today from his employers at West Virginia University. The deal is standard in terms of money: $2.3 million a year plus bonuses, along with the clauses about "moral turpitude" allowing the university fo fire him for "habitual drunkenness" or other things we tend to like people for doing. He's now paid roughly the same amount of money as Charlie Strong at Louisville, and more than Rich Rodriguez ever earned there for coaching football. (Rodriguez made around $2 million a year in his tenure.

You're damn right there are perks.

a.

Getoutofjail_medium

b. $50,000 raise for Coach Cool Dog I Found At The Bus Station

c. Use of a helicopter, this time without the breathalyzer

d. (illegible scribbling) laser (more illegible scribbling) condoms

e. By law, can force dealers in WV casinos to hit on 19.

f. $30,000 promotion bonus from Commando, the official undergarment status of West Virginia Athletics

g. Get to stay up as late as he wants and not brush his teeth

h. Dyson vacuum cleaners everywhere. Don't ask why.

i. Discretionary use of the Mountaineer's musket.

j. If it happens on the Morgantown Personal Rapid Transit System, it STAYS on the Morgantown Personal Rapid Transit System.

k. SUPERLAB UNDER THE LAUNDROMAT

l. Gets to use the can at Oliver Luck's house whenever he wants, no questions asked.