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A KINDER, GENTLER BOWL ELIGIBILITY

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FROM THE NCAA DIVISION I BOARD OF DIRECTORS

On Thursday, August 2, 2012 anno Emmerti, the Board approved the following process by which unfilled spots in bowl games can be filled in the event that there are an insufficient number of bowl eligible teams available to choose from. The Board does not extend these opportunities lightly but recognized the community value of games like the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl, which throws the losing team into a pit of hungry railroad drifters.

Open spots will heretofore be filled as follows:

1. Teams with a 6-6 record that have a win against a FCS team.

2. A team that finishes 6-6 record but has two wins against FCS competition.

3. Any team with a 6-7 record, if the 7th loss comes in a conference championship game.

4. Eight loss teams that are willing to sign additional medical waivers and travel to Shreveport.

5. Nine loss Notre Dame.

6. The Jacksonville Jaguars.

7. Any SEC school with 15 Book It! certificates.

8. A team comprising the 12-13 Boys Division winner of Punt Pass & Kick, Braylon Edwards, two life-size cutouts of Chewbacca, a novelty oversized rocking chair, and seventeen Clausens.

9. Ten loss Notre Dame.

10. Teams finishing with a 3-9 record, but only if none of the losses were to Kansas and the team itself is not Kansas.

11. The first ten loss team that can answer this riddle:

A man and his son are in a car accident. The father dies on the scene, but the child is rushed to the hospital. When he arrives, the surgeon says, "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son, a five star prospect committed to Boston College!" How can this be?

12. A 2-10 team, so long as that team promises to hire Houston Nutt as head coach in the offseason.

13. Killer Mike.

14. Any team with only one win, but that team must be matched in a bowl game with Oklahoma so that we can test a theory of ours.

15. If they lose the Pac-12 Championship game and are not otherwise eligible under these rules, the Buenos Aires Sexual Tigers: