clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:


New, 1071 comments

THIS HAPPENS IN 30 DAYS. "This" means "announcer yelling 'reverse' when they don't know what a misdirection play is."

It's a Statue variation with the underrated Amos Zeroue, and a really cool one at that, but part of your offseason conditioning includes anticipating certain announcing shortcuts.

  • "Reverse!" equals "I'm not really sure who has the ball right now but it's neat!"
  • "Heeeeeee....." [is waiting on the spotter to tell him if a TD catch was made]
  • "And that's unfortunate." A player has just taken a knee to the balls.
  • "A perfect day for Big Ten football." Permacloud, fifty, and everyone's stinking drunk and unhappy

There are many, many more of these, but we're all out of shape. Start slowly and work into the more complex lexicons, particularly the complex patois of Musburgese.

HUGH FREEZE IS SO COMMITTED TO YOU, BUT NOT YOUR KNEE INJURY. College football is a business, something jaded fathers realize when their sons are told that commitment means commitment, but that commitment might mean something else entirely if that knee injury you've got turns sour for a few months. That commitment also means another of the 246 or so offers we've made might just start looking prettier, and when you've got 246 on the line, son, that's just a matter of math and these wandering eyes.

It's cool, though. God is a DJ, and he just decided to skip your song for the moment, kid.

GEORGE O'LEARY REALLY PAYING OFF AT UCF. UCF will receive a one year postseason ban from the NCAA for recruiting violations. Like most great football ventures at UCF, the additional effort yielded them no actual benefits, and in fact damaged them in the long run. With a dynamo like George O'Leary at head coach, however, we're sure this will all work itself out in the long run.

CHARLIE STRONG IS APPRECIATIVE, AND HAS NO IDEA WHY YOU DID THAT. Big East media day is today, and Louisville came up as the clear conference favorite even though Charlie Strong has no idea why you did that, BE media. (But thanks!) Skip Holtz also acknowledged that BJ Daniels has been the quarterback at USF since 2002, something we all know is true in our heart if not in fact.

OH COME ON. There's so much in one cake, really.

ETC: Green transportation fad sweeping the Wild West of China; prepare streets of Brooklyn for mauled hipsters attempting same. London doesn't give a shit about the Olympics.