TROPHY HOARDING NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP COMMERCIAL NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP.
We won't even ask how many of these trophies are self-awarded pieces from the 1960s, when we were all so horribly mean to Alabama football. All one needs to know is that the Paul Bryant Museum is so filled with trophies you can just take one on certain Tuesdays and Thursdays.* UAB: go go go! No one looks at the fine print! Just take a few! You need them! You crave them! (via Bo Hicks.)
*Note: literacy, high school graduation, infant mortality, and % living below poverty line national championship trophies are currently unavailable, and will be for some time. Roll Tide.
ERIC MARTIN NEEDS HIS CHECKS. Eric Martin, Nebraska defensive end, wants his checks, and went on Twitter last night to illustrate exactly how many ways he and other college football players needed them. Please scroll through the collection yourself, but this is the finest of all of them:
Bo Pelini will have a discussion with this young man today. You may be able to hear it from up to 30 miles away, so please do not call civil defense authorities, especially when Eric Martin compares his compensation to Pelini's.
VOTE ROLL TIDE. It is the leading vote-getter in Holly's poll as of this am, and why the hell shouldn't it be given the other options? That said, good morning, Holly! Love you like Erik Ainge loves trouble!
YOU PEOPLE ARE INSANE AND HAVE GONE PAST THE THRESHOLD OF WHAT REALITY SHOULD ALLOW. The very idea is mad, but so is any sentence including "Danny Wuerffel" and "arm strength." (Though he probably would have been just fine in that offense.)
NO, WE'RE SORRY, YOU HAVE GONE PAST WHAT SHOULD BE ALLOWED. This tourney of the worst B1G teamsis so demented and horrible it might stray across the boundary of poor taste into genius.
THE INSTANT AMERICA FELL IN LIKE WITH MIKE LEACH. Probably, or at least the moment you realized a pirate had raised his sails upon the dusty seas of West Texas. This is the game Leach talks about when he mentions "that time Iowa kicked our ass just playing Cover 3." Norm Parker did that to a lot of people, Mike.
WHAT IS LOVE? Love is identifying 99 separate moments in Buffalo football history. Someone's doing that, and they love their team more than you do.
ETC: That design is SWEET, bros! This remains one of our favorite movies ever, and not just because the frazzled kid he beats at the end is a dead ringer for an eight year old us. Behold, the Tupacabra!