THE CURIOUS INDEX, 6/8/2012

HARRRGGGGULBARGLEBARLGEALRGGLE! Dabo cashed in with a contact extension that became formal yesterday. On the relative scale of coaches' pay, he's on the original Chizik plan, earning $1.9 million this coming year with pay escalating through the 2017 season.

Dabo's very mockable, but a consistent coach at Clemson who's happy to hire expensive but talented assistants, recruit his ass off, and understands the unique politics of the job and the state? Yeah, pay the dude, and remember that keeping a coach is way, way cheaper than finding a new one, especially when he's done pretty well in his first shot at a head coaching gig. (Also: he makes strange faces, is named "Dabo," and takes Spurrier's bait like a starving ten pound bass hitting a lure, so please, yes. Dabo then, Dabo now, and Dabo forever. You don't even have to photoshop him, because he comes pre-farked for your pleasure.)

DO NOT EVER TRY TO PREDICT ANYTHING. From SI in 1967:

But football's dominance on the campus is over. The dissolution of the Big Ten, or even the end of college football, can be discussed as calmly as any other current campus topic: the draft, Vietnam or the question of whether women visitors ought to be compelled to get out of men students' apartments by 2 o'clock in the morning. "The stipulation is patently unenforceable," editorialized The Ohio State Lantern calmly, "unless the dean of women's secret police force is far larger than we imagine."

RIP, Ohio State football. (Via.)

IF YOU HAVE TO ASK THIS VIA TWITTER, THE ANSWER IS PROBABLY NO. Steve Spurrier Jr, contacting you on all hailing frequencies going, um, you still around?

NO THERE ARE NO POINTS FOR THIS. But we did always know that the Slavic and Germanic Languages Department was a den of naked depravity at every university. When Alabama closes theirs in the next week without comment and loses three important recruits, you'll know the lid had been blown off one of the SEC's most potent recruiting hooks.*

*This is fiction, and you know it is because it contains the phrase "Alabama loses three recruits."

THERE ARE NO POINTS FOR THIS EITHER. But it's just Bacarri Rambo handling snakes on a Thursday night, yanno.

OH MAN THIS IS GOING TO BE HARD. We think it's going to be a hard first year for Bill O'Brien, and it won't be any easier to point and laugh given the heinous circumstances he's plowing into, or knowing anything you read in this story by Matt Hayes about O'Brien's son Jack.

THAT SAID. Hey, look! They're embracing Alabama-style branding!

DON'T TEASE US. Given the current level of turning "dream classes" into "Mid-range bowl and eight wins" in the state of Florida period, much less just at the University of Florida, we read any article containing the phrase with a mountain of salt and held at beyond-arms' length with a sturdy pair of tongs.

HOW DARE YOU. South Alabama did not return a call, so perhaps EA Sports is right in assuming they don't exist.

AND NOW KIRK FERENTZ RECONSIDERS HIS STANCE ON LEGALIZATION. It's not quite the ACL disaster we usually associate with Iowa running backs, but a marijuana arrest for an incoming iowa running back is still AIRBHG doing his worst to make sure that somewhere a third or perhaps fourth-string running back.

ONGOING DISCUSSION OF PROSPEROUS COLLEGE FOOTBALL CONFERENCES. Michael over at SBN asks if the Big Ten is ever so sligthly cheating its customers with a substandard product, and if you're a Purdue football fan, the answer is totally yes omg yes.

ETC: Vince Wilfork, massive human fashion show. Mike Felder's laughing green-screen gif, just waiting for your photoshopping. Dan Devine's finest hour, aka Mike Chik bad, Mike Chik hood. PUT THE CASH IN MY HAM.