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SHUTDOWN FULLBACK: THE ALABAMA EPISODE

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ROT IN HELL, EARS WHITWORTH. The Tide deserve more than one show, Pawwwwwl! They deserve their own damn series! This is a travesty! Jay Barker sat on that ball PROUDLY FOR THE TIDE, just like all our greats! YOU ROT IN HELL, TOO! AIN'T NO MAN EVER WORN NO HOUNDSTOOTH SCARF, and certainly not all cockeyed to the side like a neck tumor from France! PAWWWWLLLL---

On the other hand, I like the part where they said "Auburn" and "Probation," and the part where they told Ears Whitworth to go to hell, because burn you sonofabitch, and also that part where the recruiting fella said we were getting all the recruits. As a proud fan of the Crimson Tide, I also respect that they said Gary Danielson was gettin' too far up our pooter, because I wondered why I tasted wristwatch with every bite ah this here breakfast.

[realizes he is eating the severed hand of Mike Dubose]

I DINT ORDER NO SLUTMEAT but shit he did beat Florida twice, so, hell, HOT SAUCE AND ROLL DAMN SUBSCRIBE TO OUR VIDEO CHANNEL, PAWWWLLLL.