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HO HO HO HO IT BEGINS

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OH HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO THE JOLLITY--

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Let's see:

Committee Member Angry Cassowary votes by kicking a hole in an intern. Someone please assist the intern with his gaping intestinal wound. We interpret this as a vote for Alabama, because all injuries of overmatched opponents are interpreted as SEC votes

Then Committee Member Switzer is...is not here. Fifteen pizzas delivered to "Anna Matopeeyah" are. Calls to Committee Member Switzer's number were forwarded to an Oklahoma Casino. Barry Switzer was not listed as a guest, according to their operator. One "Anna Matopeeyah," however, was.

Committee Member Tressel suggests we settle this with a raffle. Committee Member Bill McCartney refused on spiritual grounds, calling raffles "the Devil's Peter Popcorn trick." Tressel asked McCartney for an explanation. McCartney blushed, and no one talked for a while.

Committee Member New Jack refrained from comment, and then stabbed Committee Member Tressel 12 times with a sharpened shower curtain rod as terrified interns screamed "Eee-Seee-Dub!" The committee plans to reconvene tomorrow.