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If you need to know what the exact cash value of the Rose Bowl to the SEC is, it's whatever the phrase "IDGAF" translates to in dollars and cents. If our math's right, the cash value of that is jackshit nothing, but again, we're using some pretty complex math here. Please ignore the part where our clothes change suddenly. We are terrible at continuity, and very good at wearing a Kennesaw State jersey.

When the Big Ten Network steals all of our Bret Bielema-themed ideas for game shows, you'll know why we suddenly retired after a court case and lucrative settlement. BIEL OR NO BIEL? It's like Justin Timberlake doesn't even care. Subscribe, because we like money, but we actually enjoy doing this more just for the opportunity to make elaborate Bret Bielema jokes about beer and famous actresses in suitcases.