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THIS IS HOW THIS EVER HAPPENED. Go back to the dark ages of 1990, and you will see that the national title for that year was split and awarded to both Georgia Tech and Colorado. This alone should set off klaxons that 1990 was a year of particular weirdness in college football, but no, no, it's really all far weirder than that.

On October 6th, 1990, the Colorado Buffaloes got five downs to beat Missouri at Faurot Field.

If you're watching this and it all seems quite normal and uneventful, you are not alone. The announcers in the clip do not notice either, and do pretty much what you do on first viewing: look at the yard marker, see the unturned 4 around the :40 mark on the game clock, and then watch Colorado roll right up to the line of scrimmage like they hadn't spiked the ball on fourth down previously and win the game. Never, ever give up, especially when the dealer's not looking and there's an unclaimed thousand dollar chip just sitting there on the table for all to see.

Did you notice we're already enjoying reminding new conference mates of the worst moments in their history? Awww, welcome to the family, Mizzou, you snakebitten Attic-Arkansans.

THERE'S NO REAL REASON TO DO THE RIGHT THING. Especially if your drug policy simply holds up one of the stupidest laws on the books, the prohibition of marijuana, and you count that as the right thing when you allow players to drink themselves blind, but man we're just going to this NORML rally and let you think mirroring the man's crazy policies about a plant, man. That rally three? Four? It was sometime, man. We'll get there when we get there, you know?

SUPPORT A REAL MASCOT WHO ISN'T A MURDERER. We support this, though whether a bird with teeth is any less terrifying than the K-State mascot is a sketchy question we're not touching with a long pair of farm-animal-grade forceps.

DON'T READ THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE NAUSEATED. The Sandusky trial, which we are trying to maintain a very distant eye on in these parts, appears to be going very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very poorly for the defense. So, good.

SPARGI NOOOOOOO. A Corgi never looked so absolutely certain of madness in the fourth quarter.

THiS IS PRESENTED FREE TO YOU UGA FANS. If you want the most Georgia Tech photo ever, it is this.

AND THIS IS WHERE WE TAKE THAT BACK AND GIVE YOU NIGHT TERRORS. Jesse Williams is the scary thing in your closet, and would come out if he ever wanted to do anything but sit in this closet and do backsquats and power cleans until football season.

ETC: Imagine that running 100 miles a week isn't a good idea. We weren't aware that everything in Tampa wasn't already a 1979 throwback. "The male agent gave one of the children a high-five as this was happening, the witness said."