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The Big East is suing you, and if they have not gotten around to it yet, they are about to do so. In fact, this is probably the next best business strategy for the Big East: become the patent troll of college football, file a thousand lawsuits at once for infringement on every possible untrademarked thing possible, and then claim ownership.

The Big East should target these key areas:

  • Fat Guy TDs. Not the first conference to make it happen, but certainly the first to trademark it.
  • Upsetting an SEC or Big 12 team in a bowl game. Double the damages due to Big 12 stealing rightful copyright owner West Virginia.
  • Tweets or mentions of "GUHHHH BIG EAST" on Twitter or in liveblogs. Grandfather this post in, plz.
  • Trap flexing. All trap flexes are clearly intellectual property of Louisville coach Charlie Strong, and thus belong to the Big East. (For now.)
  • If you're wearing blue, it's Boise something something come on just send us a check it's easier than fighting this. We've got a thousand lawyers working on this. They sleep stacked like cordwood in a warehouse out back because there are exactly seven open legal jobs in the US that don't involve just finding some asshole loophole in the law, filing a bunch of papers, and then extorting--um, "creating value" out of a client too tired or harried to fight your claim.

Anyway, they want five million bucks from TCU because...well, we read the filing and still can't figure it out ourselves.


Even though he's not the commissioner, please, please RSVP for John Marinatto's theme parties. It will just save everyone a lot of time and energy if you did.