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LES MILES IS MESMERIZING

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He is his own episode of Tim and Eric. Penguins at the zoo prefer to lay on him and not their home ice. The Steve Winwood classic Arc of a Diver was written entirely about him, including the song "Valerie," a song of devotion dedicated to one of the man's most threadbare pair of Bike brand coaching shorts. He missed out on the Michigan job because he "preferred to stay in a state shaped like a boot for kicking asses," and also because he'd already made love to Dave Brandon's wife...twice, and in less than thirty minutes total.

You'll never know him...but you can ponder the mystery of Les Miles forever with this gif, or at least for the next 45 minutes, since that's how long we've been looking at it.

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  • Les Miles is your host for "Nostradamus: A Chesty Prophet."
  • This fall on CBS: "Les Miles, Unlicensed Forensic Pathologist."
  • In his role as "Jack Reacher's Father, Jack-Jack-Jack Reacher"
  • "Local businesses were trying to get you, but consumer affairs reporter Les Miles is here to LITERALLY KILL THEM AND TURN THEM TO MEAT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES."
  • "Have you been injured in an accident with a big rig? Call the office of Miles and Miles, and we will send an even bigger truck to kill you for real this time."
  • "I've just set a personal record for how many times I've consecutively watched 'Fantastic Mr. Fox" See if you can spot the difference."

  • "Swallowing just five ounces of gold every day can have immeasurable health benefits. Just ask Les Miles, governor of New Flexico."
  • [just the "Untitled" video, but with Les Miles in a yellow golf shirt and no pants.]