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SEASTEAD COLLEGE FOOTBALL NOW

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We understand. "Floating bowls" means the semifinals will be bid out to the bowls or something. There are a lot of easier answers to this, but we are not about easy answers in college football. Open a Skymall magazine. Imagine the person who buys the egg-cracker, the omelet ring, and the special egg-timer/meat thermometer with a plastic chef figurine on the top who waves when your food is done. That is college football, the sport that buys a Pontiac Aztek when they really needed three different cars in the first place, and ends up with...a goddamned Pontiac Aztek.

Still, the dream is still alive. An island of our own, built by Larry Scott's Institute Of Futuristic Football Sex somewhere off the coast of California. Floating free in the currents of the Pacific, it will be the promised land of college football futures to be. A casino for your bets and Brent Musburger's, a beautiful field for the game, ample facilities for visitors and teams alike, and a brothel catering to all tastes and needs. (Don't hog the place, LSU fans. Even though we know you will.)

Seastead college football NOW. You could stage live gladitorial combat at halftime and it still wouldn't compare by atrocity scale to anything the Fiesta Bowl has done to keep its slice of the BCS. Verne Lundquist: With the mace! OH MY!